Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 6)

what is the purpose we chat everyday?

but,

its all about the same thing. things that you already knew. things that all your friends might tell you first then me. Its confusing. Should I be happy with this progress or what.

Please get things straight. you should not treat me that nice when you do not have any feelings towards me. dont create a fake hope. its hurt.

with things around me in the office remind me of you. songs played in the radio always related to what we had done before. how you teased me. it still fresh in my mind.

the most upset things now when I have to make a decision by myself. yerp, by myself. before, we used to share our opinions but now, its only me. all the burdens on me. alone.

truthfully, 

I miss you.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 5)

This is so boring. seriously!. so, just click 'x' if you dont intend to read any 'perasan' entries. (LOL)


Jay: bla bla bla...
Hesh: .....
Jay: woi..
Hesh:...
Jay: siot la, aku cakap dari tadi kau buat bodoh je kan..

Hesh: eh, pernah tak before ni ada orang cakap suara kau besar?
Jay: besar? huh?
Hesh: besar macam suara laki?
Jay: takde pulak.. kenapa? macam laki ke?
Hesh: haah dow.. macam laki.

Jay:.... siot je.
Hesh: serious dow. tak tipu.
Jay:....
Hesh: kan Zack?

Zack: huh? tak perasan pulak aku. tapi aku rasa macam biasa je.

Jay: ...


Since then, you alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays looking at me while I was talking. keep staring at me. Is my voice really that manly? dah hidup 24 tahun, and you were the first one told me that. ahh.. its uncomfortable, but I have to control what I exactly feel. I dont want to get caught being nervous. that's why I acted so ganas just like you said. I dont want this feeling getting exposed. seriously. let me keep it inside, forever. 


i know this feeling will be buried one day. on that day, i will seal and put it at the place where I cant touch again.

Alhamdulillah

Finally, I got my very first aset.

Thanks Allah, for this sustenance.Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, semoga kau pertemukan  aku dengan jodohku. diantara mereka yang beriman pada ajaranMu. Mampu membimbingku dan anak-anakku ke jalanMu. Mampu memberikan kasih sayang dan keperluanku dan keluarga secukupnya. Amin.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 4)

suatu petang yang indah nan permai, kelihatan sepasang rakan sekerja sedang bertegang urat (?)..

Hesh: eh Jay, kau ni kan siot kan. aku dah cakap banyak kali tapi kau buat bodoh je kan... hahaha

Jay: eh, sengal eh.. mana la aku dengar kau cakap tadi..haha

Hesh: kau memang kan...bla bla bla

Jay: apa pulak, bla bla bla...

tiba-tiba..

Elle: hey korang ni gaduh je.

Hesh and Jay terus senyap.

Hesh: kitorang memang camni kak. tak serious pun.

Zack: memula memang gaduh eh kak..

Jay: -______________-

Hesh: -________________________________________________-

Elle: haah, memula gaduh, pastu tersuka, pastu becinta, tahu-tahu je dapat kad kawen

Zack: hah, dengar tu Hesh.. jangan dapat kad kawen pulak tiba-tiba

Jay: -______________-

Hesh: -_________________________________________________-

Hesh: kau ni Zack, tak baik runtuhkan rumah tangga orang *while looking down*

Jay: -________________________________________________-

*whose rumah tangga Hesh*

if I can read whats in your mind Hesh. it would be better. really wanna know why you treat me that well. why make my life confusing. before, we used to text each other. now, we move on fb. I dont know if it your ways treating girl or you only did that to me. its too complicated. I've asked so many people around me. their opinion almost positive but I cant assume it right. i am scared. I am scared to be hurt. the wound Izzat left is still deep. even tho he already left me forever, but the scar is still there. he left me with a cruel way. we apart in a good way and thats made me hard to forget him. plus, i dont want this to be repeated. should I just give up without knowing the real reasons? or being hurt if the result does not achieve what I expect? reality is too cruel. before you come, I was happy with my kpop and crush stuff. crush which I love to look without heart matter. that because they are too far from me. unlike you Hesh, we were talking, teasing, laughing together. it just a short period but we created so much memories. 

i miss to hear you talking Hesh.

(dah kronik ni. geli jewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, Jac! so not-kau la!)

berharap kah? tak langsung. yeke? entah la.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 3)

suatu tengahari yang panas terik.
segerombolan rakan sekerja sedang menikmati juadah makan tengahari di sebuah kedai makan. satu meja untuk kaum adam dan satu meja lagi untuk kaum hawa. kedua-dua meja mempunyai cerita sendiri.

tiba tiba Jay mendapat sms. dia ingat twitter notification tapi..
sms dari Hesh!!

" eh, kau ajak la adik kau sembang..senyap je"

Jay reply..
" dia ada cakap la tadi.."

then, both of them pay the bill. Jay and Are were walking together to the office. and suddenly Hesh walked really fast towards her and had left his friend. He made some conversations with Jay only. They walked together and Are was walking alone. heh.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 2)

Hesh: eh, kau dah bla bla bla bla bla bla bla.....(pasal kerja)?
Jay: hmm
Hesh: pergh, aku bukan main panjang lagi tanya kau jawab hmm.. je?
Jay: haha
Hesh: bengang siot. eh, kau dah bla bla bla bla bla bla bla..(pasal keja) *sambil mengira berapa patah perkataan yang dia tanya* 11 kowt. kau boleh jawab hmm je. *senyum* (sweet!!)
Jay: haha. oklah, aku dah bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...(pasal kerja)..*sambil mengira berapa patah perkataan yang aku jawab* hah, 12. puas hati? haha. *senyum* (comey! lol)


since then, kitorang tak reply sepatah sepatah. even jawapannya memang sepatah perkataan je, kitorang akan tambah tambah bagi jadi banyak. poyo dan membosankan kan kan kan?

matahariku.

every time I upset or being mental breakdown, I will keep listening to this song. Its forever relevant. soothing my mood to get better.

I will get better once I listening and singing to this. :)

thanks Agnes.lol

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 1)

Jay: *humming lagu sexy and I know it-lmfao* chorus: I am sexy and I know it~
Hesh: amboi. sexy eh.
Jay: bukan la, dah lirik dia camtu, aku nyanyi je la.
Hesh: dah tu, kalw lirik tu ada fuck me.. kau nyanyi jugak la??
Jay: -_-"""

call me crazy.

The day I was emotionally and mentally breakdown is today. why the radio keep playing the songs that we used to sing together before. why everything around me reminds me of him.

its unfair. 

yeah, I know I am being pathetic here.

 

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne episode 6 (ending)

Ku cuba redakan relung hati
Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi
Terlukis di dalam kenangan
Bebas bermain di hatiku

Cerita tentang masa lalu
Cerita tentang kau dan aku
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

I know I have been given up too early. but I guess it better like this since I dont want to hurt more. yeah, I definitely will miss all the things we did together. it may look stupid and doesnt mean anything to anyone else, but to us it were precious. or maybe its only me.I am too tired to be in this kind of complicated matters. I am always in this matter since I was teenagers. its always hard for me. and this time I should let go  what I feel and go on with my life.IF he has a same feeling as I am, he would definitely try his best. I dont want to be the only one who work for it. it cant be like this anymore. I was wrong in the first place. I was wrong to let this feeling develop inside me. I was the one who raise the hope inside me. he dont even know this. I should not get carried away. :( hoping me will cope with my job well. I hope to achieve all the high expectation from my boss. do that tonne of jobs well and meet my client expectations. fulfill Majlis's requirement and all that. make myself busy and hope this feeling will go away naturally. Just what LeBai said to me earlier, kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana. I hold on that. anything happened should have a reason. Allah sentiasa betul dalam apa yang telah di tetapkanNya.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne episode 5

tomorrow could be the ending or a brand new season. 

I am still confuse. seriously. I am not sure what exactly I feel. I am not sure. how I wish he knows what exactly I feel without me telling him. looks for his respond and decide whether to stop or continue this feeling.