Touch.

"Ya Allah, andai dia jodohku, kau dekatkan la hatinya dan hatiku. Kau teguhkanlah pendirian hatiku. Kau permudahkanlah segala urusan kami ke jalanMu ya Allah. Andai dia bukan jodohku, kau damaikanlah hatiku untuk menerima ketentuanMu. Ameen."

pekak

tadi pagi, pegi servis baby kat Perodua. since da booked so boleh potong queue semua orang yang ada. padan muka. sape suruh tak booked 3 hari awal.

pegi kaunter dengan yakin,

"saya nak servis kreta. dah buat appointment.."
" ok, cik duduk dulu. nanti kami panggil"
"ok. thank you"

duduk kejap, bertonyeh ngan menado pasal tahi lalat laki ayu raudhah..

 "cik Farahana....!"
" ya saya.."
alaaa, nak mamat handsome tu yang serve. dalam hati.

" buku servis cik"
" oh, saya dah buat appoinment hari rabu"
"buku servis cik" dengan lebih jelas dan senyuman.
"oh.. ni. sorry sorry.."
"dah brape kilometer?"
"JNN95... eh, apa tadi?"
"dah brape kilometre kereta cik..."
"oh, 11 ribu something...haha"
gelak malu. bengang gila kowt. haish. dah la mamat handsome ni bertepek pulak kat kaunter ni. jatuh la market.

"ok, number kereta cik JNN9566. nama penuh Nurfarahana bla bla bla?"
"ya saya"
"ok, untuk servis kali ni kami akan.....(explanation) bila dah siap kami akan call cik ya"
"ok, thanks"

OMG!
malunya.

"weh, apasal kau pekak sangat dowh? aku dari sini nampak gerak mulut dia dah tahu dia cakap apa ngan kau"
"hahaha. tahu pun. klaka kan aku"
"tu tak klaka langsung. pekak siot."

damn. adakah aku dah mula pekak? oh tidak!
atau aku sebnarnya tak fokus.

OMG! this is so not right!
should find a solution over this!

After 2 month story.

Alhamdulillah.
Allah is helping me smoothing this journey.

even though not everything is went as I planned.
we still got time for that.

15 years, not a short time.
but definitely means something.
Now, its time for a new chapter.
A same person with different point of view.

Hope this is my final destination.
Dunia, akhirat, Jannah.
Insya-Allah.
Ameen.

F&F

we knew each other for almost 15 years.
so many things had happened.
we got our own dark past once.

this time,
we met again.
in a different situation and feel.

praying for the best.
for both of us.
now and then and forever ever after.
InsyaAllah.

May Allah help us to get the bless from both side.

Hohoho

Tajuk tak boley blah.

wah, pejam celik, tido, makan, meronggeng. dah lima bulan nak masuk ke enam bulan aku keja kat E Charis ni. Masa masuk tu memang dah tanam azam tak nak ngumpat boss or sesapa la kat opis tu. tapi dah nak masuk bulan ke enam ni dah dekat 2 kontena kowt aku ngumpat. haha.

well, kerja memang banyak gila nak mati. aku berkerja macam dah 3 tahun pengalaman. involve ngan authorities paling mencabar since requirements dorang pelik2. yelah, kerja kerajaan kan heaven. mana nak lekat kat meja. susah gila nak buat appoinment. :(

opis aku ni kecik je. not even 10 orang pun yang keja. all of us are Malay. so, everyone are quite close lah. yang best nya, I am the only gadis sunti kat opis :) and ada 3 guys yang belom kawen. so, best la jugak. center of attraction orang kata eh? kahkahkah. dah kerja 5 bulan++ ni, macam dah kenal everyone punya personality lah. which one sekepala, mana satu kepala angin kan. tapi overall, takdelah stress mana pun. stress tapi since semua orang pun cool, so tak rasa sangat la stress nya. seronok lah.

since my boss is a chinese, most of the time he speaks English with us. So, I use this opportunity to improve my English skill lah. sometimes, I feel like speaking English can boost up my confidence level. I know, my English is terrible but at least I am trying my best to improve. I think my boss knows my intention. and I think he will understand me well if I explain him regarding any matter with English. Even during meeting with client I am more comfortable using English. Even tho it just broken and campuraduk, I think I will leave a good impression to client. So far, most of my client is chinese and ofc they speak English very well. and I envy that. REALLY ENVY okay.

tapi, my officemate always teasing me on that matter. well, biasa lah melayu kan. (rollingeyes) its not that I want to mengampu boss or what, but I think its for my own good kan, so whats the matter. Its only a few of them, but sometimes when they keep repeat what they said and you will get annoying right. on that level, I just leave them without a respond. I dont why malay have this kind of annoying punya perangai. bukan nak bagi semangat, lagi nak merendah2kan orang yang mencuba. so irritating betul.

but that matter is not a big problems. its about how you handle them. so, I dont take it into my heart lah. habes kat situ je lah. malas nak pikir since I have to work with them for a long times kan. so, let by gone be by gone memang sangat bagus di apply kat sini.

I will gain as much as experiences here, and will look up for any wide opportunity in the future. well, when you go to the interview and you can speak english well, for sure it will give you a big big credit right. an advantages okay since not many malay can speaks English fluently. *including me*

so everyone, lets together we improve our English since it is an International language plus its Malaysian second language right.


:)

 p/s: i love myself

crush.

ramai betol.

tah mana yang betol-betol tah. konpius.
bukan main sedih sebab one of my crush tak bertunang.

tapi sekarang dah ok!

Wish.

I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want. I wish I dreamed the same dreams you do, and together we could make them come true. I wish I knew what makes you happy, so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart.

rindu.

argh. rindu yang tak pernah habes. rindu sangat.

the only left is our picture and of course the valuable memories. its too much and I cant ever forget all that. too bitter-sweet.

what ever it is, still loving you deep deep.

AlFatihah.

Genap setahun.

awak,

pejam celik, pejam celik dah setahun awak pergi. sesuatu yang tak terjangka dek akal saya yang satu hari nanti saya takkan dapat jumpa awak lagi. semua kenangan kita, setiap apa yang awak pernah janji semua masih fresh dalam kepala saya. otak saya masih memproses setiap dari apa yang kita pernah buat bersama. 

saya sedih sangat now ni. banyak sangat yang saya pikir tapi takde tempat saya nak mengadu. rindunya kat suara awak. rindu segala-gala tentang awak. sungguh. walau kita berada di tempat yang sangat jauh, tapi awak tetap di tempat yang sama di hati saya.

semoga Allah tempatkan awak di kalangan hamba-hambaNya yang di redhai.

Al-Fatihah.

what exactly I feel

Kadang-kadang aku susah nak paham apa yang aku rasa. suka ke tak. kawan ke bercinta. pelik kan. tak sure apa yang diri sendiri rasa adalah sangat tak cool. well, as everyone (?) knows aku ada crush kat opis aku. kan kan. dah tahu kan? and now the feeling is decreasing. untung la kalw graph dia makin lama makin turun, ni jadi masalah bila dia ada trun ada naik. tapi secara overall, memang dah berkurang. almost natural.

plus, tadi aku online fb kat opis sebab nak bergosip ngan yana. whats unexpected bila suddenly he popped up and say hi to me. WEIRD! usually I was the one who started the conversation. only this few day, I was holding myself from tegur him. and I had succeed. he was the one who started the chat la. weird kan. ke tak? ke biasa je. actually we only talked about work, office, and people around the office. how bored can it be when you have to talk about work all day. bluegh. just because I have a crush on him I layan dia. kalw dia tak masuk list crush, for sure I will ignore him. just like before I had a feeling towards him. semua benda yang dia cerita just directly went from right to left ear. no meaning. sekarang dah menyesal sebab took for granted. padan muka.

oh, tadi chat ngan dia for whole day. how nice kan that feeling. tu before ni lah punya cerita. actually I was merajuk because when I logged in FB this morning I saw his picture. a picture at his friend's wedding. and he is with a girl. i am NOT jealous. seriously. but I just feel slightly unfair. i am not sure either that girl is his girlfriend or what-so-ever. eh, apa motip aku tulis part ni kalw aku tak jealous? hewhewhew

*now I talk IF that girl is his girlfriend*

tak adil kan. dia ada girlfriend and he treats other girl(me) so nicely. he even remember the promise I made  with him last month. he reminds me about the promise and hope we can meet. isnt that we call as flirting? its unfair. UNFAIR. for both of us *me and his girlfriend* why girl always tend to hold what she feels. kenapa eh. kenapa susah sangat kita nak declare yang kita suka kat someone ni. aku memang tak lah nak declare ni. bukan tak berani. tapi the after effect buat aku rasa takut. i always think about what will happen if I do this and do that. so automatically I will hesitate. aku rasa tadi masa aku tengah chat, kakak and abang(euuuw) opis aku ternampak and they were gossiping la at the back. they suddenly talking about this mamat's girlfriend which is in sarawak. daerah mana lah, hape lah kan bagai. its so loud and I heard them word by word. they were like sengaja nak bagi aku dengar and bagi aku sedar diri. well hello, I dont have that crush-thing-whatsoever feeling lagi lah towards that mamat. (yeke ni ?) when I saw the picture i set my mind to sort my feeling and luckily this time my mind made my heart listened to what it said. so now its already sorted.di tambah lagi, aku rasa apa yang aku doa dah di makbulkan kowt. which I want Allah to show me if he is the right one or not. my instinct says hes not the one. plus some dream I had last few days.

in this current situation, i am so grateful to have leBai to layan me babbling about this and that. sometimes, she kinda harsh but thats better. she told me the right thing not the one that i want to hear. so i will get myself straight after talked to her. thanx bai. peh, punya la panjang post just to show my appreciation kat leBai.lol ok lah. nak tdo. esok nak kena pegi site. lama nyewww tak kena panas. oh my sunblock! night world

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 6)

what is the purpose we chat everyday?

but,

its all about the same thing. things that you already knew. things that all your friends might tell you first then me. Its confusing. Should I be happy with this progress or what.

Please get things straight. you should not treat me that nice when you do not have any feelings towards me. dont create a fake hope. its hurt.

with things around me in the office remind me of you. songs played in the radio always related to what we had done before. how you teased me. it still fresh in my mind.

the most upset things now when I have to make a decision by myself. yerp, by myself. before, we used to share our opinions but now, its only me. all the burdens on me. alone.

truthfully, 

I miss you.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 5)

This is so boring. seriously!. so, just click 'x' if you dont intend to read any 'perasan' entries. (LOL)


Jay: bla bla bla...
Hesh: .....
Jay: woi..
Hesh:...
Jay: siot la, aku cakap dari tadi kau buat bodoh je kan..

Hesh: eh, pernah tak before ni ada orang cakap suara kau besar?
Jay: besar? huh?
Hesh: besar macam suara laki?
Jay: takde pulak.. kenapa? macam laki ke?
Hesh: haah dow.. macam laki.

Jay:.... siot je.
Hesh: serious dow. tak tipu.
Jay:....
Hesh: kan Zack?

Zack: huh? tak perasan pulak aku. tapi aku rasa macam biasa je.

Jay: ...


Since then, you alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays looking at me while I was talking. keep staring at me. Is my voice really that manly? dah hidup 24 tahun, and you were the first one told me that. ahh.. its uncomfortable, but I have to control what I exactly feel. I dont want to get caught being nervous. that's why I acted so ganas just like you said. I dont want this feeling getting exposed. seriously. let me keep it inside, forever. 


i know this feeling will be buried one day. on that day, i will seal and put it at the place where I cant touch again.

Alhamdulillah

Finally, I got my very first aset.

Thanks Allah, for this sustenance.Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, semoga kau pertemukan  aku dengan jodohku. diantara mereka yang beriman pada ajaranMu. Mampu membimbingku dan anak-anakku ke jalanMu. Mampu memberikan kasih sayang dan keperluanku dan keluarga secukupnya. Amin.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 4)

suatu petang yang indah nan permai, kelihatan sepasang rakan sekerja sedang bertegang urat (?)..

Hesh: eh Jay, kau ni kan siot kan. aku dah cakap banyak kali tapi kau buat bodoh je kan... hahaha

Jay: eh, sengal eh.. mana la aku dengar kau cakap tadi..haha

Hesh: kau memang kan...bla bla bla

Jay: apa pulak, bla bla bla...

tiba-tiba..

Elle: hey korang ni gaduh je.

Hesh and Jay terus senyap.

Hesh: kitorang memang camni kak. tak serious pun.

Zack: memula memang gaduh eh kak..

Jay: -______________-

Hesh: -________________________________________________-

Elle: haah, memula gaduh, pastu tersuka, pastu becinta, tahu-tahu je dapat kad kawen

Zack: hah, dengar tu Hesh.. jangan dapat kad kawen pulak tiba-tiba

Jay: -______________-

Hesh: -_________________________________________________-

Hesh: kau ni Zack, tak baik runtuhkan rumah tangga orang *while looking down*

Jay: -________________________________________________-

*whose rumah tangga Hesh*

if I can read whats in your mind Hesh. it would be better. really wanna know why you treat me that well. why make my life confusing. before, we used to text each other. now, we move on fb. I dont know if it your ways treating girl or you only did that to me. its too complicated. I've asked so many people around me. their opinion almost positive but I cant assume it right. i am scared. I am scared to be hurt. the wound Izzat left is still deep. even tho he already left me forever, but the scar is still there. he left me with a cruel way. we apart in a good way and thats made me hard to forget him. plus, i dont want this to be repeated. should I just give up without knowing the real reasons? or being hurt if the result does not achieve what I expect? reality is too cruel. before you come, I was happy with my kpop and crush stuff. crush which I love to look without heart matter. that because they are too far from me. unlike you Hesh, we were talking, teasing, laughing together. it just a short period but we created so much memories. 

i miss to hear you talking Hesh.

(dah kronik ni. geli jewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, Jac! so not-kau la!)

berharap kah? tak langsung. yeke? entah la.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 3)

suatu tengahari yang panas terik.
segerombolan rakan sekerja sedang menikmati juadah makan tengahari di sebuah kedai makan. satu meja untuk kaum adam dan satu meja lagi untuk kaum hawa. kedua-dua meja mempunyai cerita sendiri.

tiba tiba Jay mendapat sms. dia ingat twitter notification tapi..
sms dari Hesh!!

" eh, kau ajak la adik kau sembang..senyap je"

Jay reply..
" dia ada cakap la tadi.."

then, both of them pay the bill. Jay and Are were walking together to the office. and suddenly Hesh walked really fast towards her and had left his friend. He made some conversations with Jay only. They walked together and Are was walking alone. heh.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 2)

Hesh: eh, kau dah bla bla bla bla bla bla bla.....(pasal kerja)?
Jay: hmm
Hesh: pergh, aku bukan main panjang lagi tanya kau jawab hmm.. je?
Jay: haha
Hesh: bengang siot. eh, kau dah bla bla bla bla bla bla bla..(pasal keja) *sambil mengira berapa patah perkataan yang dia tanya* 11 kowt. kau boleh jawab hmm je. *senyum* (sweet!!)
Jay: haha. oklah, aku dah bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...(pasal kerja)..*sambil mengira berapa patah perkataan yang aku jawab* hah, 12. puas hati? haha. *senyum* (comey! lol)


since then, kitorang tak reply sepatah sepatah. even jawapannya memang sepatah perkataan je, kitorang akan tambah tambah bagi jadi banyak. poyo dan membosankan kan kan kan?

matahariku.

every time I upset or being mental breakdown, I will keep listening to this song. Its forever relevant. soothing my mood to get better.

I will get better once I listening and singing to this. :)

thanks Agnes.lol

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne ( sekuel 1)

Jay: *humming lagu sexy and I know it-lmfao* chorus: I am sexy and I know it~
Hesh: amboi. sexy eh.
Jay: bukan la, dah lirik dia camtu, aku nyanyi je la.
Hesh: dah tu, kalw lirik tu ada fuck me.. kau nyanyi jugak la??
Jay: -_-"""

call me crazy.

The day I was emotionally and mentally breakdown is today. why the radio keep playing the songs that we used to sing together before. why everything around me reminds me of him.

its unfair. 

yeah, I know I am being pathetic here.

 

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne episode 6 (ending)

Ku cuba redakan relung hati
Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi
Terlukis di dalam kenangan
Bebas bermain di hatiku

Cerita tentang masa lalu
Cerita tentang kau dan aku
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

I know I have been given up too early. but I guess it better like this since I dont want to hurt more. yeah, I definitely will miss all the things we did together. it may look stupid and doesnt mean anything to anyone else, but to us it were precious. or maybe its only me.I am too tired to be in this kind of complicated matters. I am always in this matter since I was teenagers. its always hard for me. and this time I should let go  what I feel and go on with my life.IF he has a same feeling as I am, he would definitely try his best. I dont want to be the only one who work for it. it cant be like this anymore. I was wrong in the first place. I was wrong to let this feeling develop inside me. I was the one who raise the hope inside me. he dont even know this. I should not get carried away. :( hoping me will cope with my job well. I hope to achieve all the high expectation from my boss. do that tonne of jobs well and meet my client expectations. fulfill Majlis's requirement and all that. make myself busy and hope this feeling will go away naturally. Just what LeBai said to me earlier, kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana. I hold on that. anything happened should have a reason. Allah sentiasa betul dalam apa yang telah di tetapkanNya.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne episode 5

tomorrow could be the ending or a brand new season. 

I am still confuse. seriously. I am not sure what exactly I feel. I am not sure. how I wish he knows what exactly I feel without me telling him. looks for his respond and decide whether to stop or continue this feeling.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne episode 4

Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward through time to see if in the end it is all worth it

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne episode 3

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

My Journey for Today

730 AM

ok, aku tak segembira tu lah kan. aku tido pukul 5 pastu kena kejut sebab nak pegi breakfast je konon2nya.

815 AM

and I had this for breakfast. my all time favourite food for breakfast.

 930 AM -12.00 PM

went to 3 different show house. I love all three but the first one caught my eyes. its really big and the design is a bit different than other house. plus the interior are so elegance yet simple. ahhh, of course I was not surveying for myself.  or maybe for future. who knows right?

its the most tiring part, but I still love it.

1230PM

we had pizza for lunch. both my aunty and uncle was craving for spaghetti there. I tried the new pizza, and it quite good.

200PM

went to Jom Masuk U Carnival. Just surveyed for my cousin. but most of them are from Singapore University plus so much college. we got nothing there, but fortunately got so many lenchai there, so boleh cuci mata. haha. ok fine, lenchai bawah umur. I know that. but still, keindahan ciptaan Allah tak wajar di persia-siakan. ada jugak lenchai melayu. :))

 430 PM- 600PM

 we decided to watch Seefood since my cousin was whining so much on how she really want to watch that movie. but the only available show was at 745PM. -_- so we kill time by playing at the archade. I am not sure how much I spent there. for the first time I playing pool. LOLed so much and not to forget, we karaoke like world will end tomorrow. too many songs and now, I am having a sore throat.

745PM- 930 PM

Seefood.

I rate 3.5 out of 5. Its a good start for Malaysian Film Industry to move on to the next level. It can be better than this in the future. I enjoyed it anyway.

1000PM

I had bihun tomyam just now for dinner. Its super delicious. yummy.

1130PM -1155 PM

here I am, here I am.

bayangkan lah, camne aku dressed up yang konon2nya nak pegi breakfast JE tadi tu kan. damn my life!


good night, world!

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne episode 2

ye. lepas berfikir masalah ni sedalam-dalamnya. antara patut dan tak patut, aku rasa aku bukan suka dia pun. dia macam feel best kawan kowt. tak mungkin aku boleh start suka orang dalam masa seminggu je. kan kan kan? sila la sokong.





ok, sekarang dah tak sure pulak

k bye.

Hesh to the Ey to the Anne

 confuse gila.

out of sudden, why he treats me so nicely. He being too concern and it make me feel good, of course. but the thing is, its kinda inappropriate for him to act like that since he already got a girlfriend. I know, he probably just be good to me as a co-worker but I dont know. one of my friend (read: LeBai) told me he might be just wanna flirt just because his girlfriend is too far away.

 I am not hoping for anything, either him to like me back or anything. seriously. I appreciate friendship more than anythinga. Luckily(?) he will go to further his study soon and next week will be his final week. I dont know what should I feel. its sad, or really sad. heh

IF he really felt the same way as me, I am looking forward to see his next step after he leave me next two weeks. If there is nothing happen, then I will assume that he just be nice. not more than that. but if it is other wise, I have to make up another entry lah kan... ngeeee XD



ok lah. wanna off to my dreamland.


p/s: tahu ni entry perasan. haha

It just a part of life.

Kadangkala kita kena melepaskan manusia yang hadir dalam hidup kita. Semua manusia yang hadir dalam hidup kita memang memberikan makna yang berbeza, tetapi kita harus tahu bukan setiap daripada mereka akan kekal sehingga ke penghujungnya. -Terfaktab


aku suka quote ni. simple tapi memberikan makna yang besar.
kadang-kadang benda yang kita suka tu lah yang paling tak patut kita buat. so, for now I should enjoy it, and not hoping for anything. the term of friendship is more meaningful indeed. so just go with the flow.


its only two weeks from now, and I will not see him anymore. just go with flow. hope I can stick with my innocent mind.


even tough, I feel good.

FRIENDSHIP

malam tadi tengah guling-guling atas katil, tiba-tiba dapat notification message kat facebook. unexpected person message aku. tak sangka pulak kan dia membawa berita buruk kat aku.

one of my bestie meninggal. kitorang rapat gila-gila time matrix. seriously rapat.

kitorang kenal time orientation week. masa tu tengah tunggu turn nak naik block. nak naik block pun kena ikut turutan. lame betul lah. macam la kitorang kanak-kanak. dia kebetulan duduk sebelah aku. yelah, baru 2 3 hari masuk matrix. sape je lah yang aku nak rapat kan. aku pun buat muka tak malu say Hi kat dia. sembang-sembang sampai la turn block kitorang pulak. habes dah. ingat kan tak jumpa dah dia pastu. tapi esoknya, jumpa dia lagi. since then, kitorang memang rapat gila. pegi makan, lepak sekali. padahal dia budak Fizik, aku pulak budak bio.

sayangnya matrix setahun je. kitorang apply masuk U pun sama2. hope dapat masuk U sama. tapi sayangnya, aku dapat UMP dia dapat UPM. sengal kan sistem salah baca application kitorang. kalw tak sure kitorang still rapat sampai sekarang. nak dijadikan cerita, masa first year kat U kitorang gaduh besar. kat phone je padahal. tapi memang siap jerit-jerit, nanges-nanges bagai. sebab nya, biarlah antara aku dan dia je tahu. semenjak tu, kitorang tak contact langsung. langsung means dia siap tukar number bagai. memang lepas tu tak jumpa tak apa langsung.

sampai la 2 3 bulan kebelakangan ni, aku asyik ingat dia je. tah kenapa. tapi aku biasa lah, takde effort langsung nak cari number dia. facebook pun tak add. memang berpatah arang lah orang cakap tu. sampai la malam tadi bila one of her cousin messaged me and told that she already left us. left the memories behind dan pergi menghadap Allah.

aku memang kalau boleh tak nak terima hakikat langsung kowt. yelah, orang yang korang sayang. yang dulu gaduh, sembang, gelak-gelak ngan korang tiba-tiba dah takde kan. sapa nak percaya on the spot kan. aku memang tak percaya, sampai lah aku baca paper siang tadi. metro, berita harian. sedih gila. nak nanges tapi air mata tak keluar.

this is my second time to be left by the people that I love. I mean, not a family. First was Izzat, and now her. sampai aku terpikir adakah sebab dorang berkawan ngan aku, dorang pergi. now, aku dah pikir bukan-bukan pasal semua yang pernah ada special relationship ngan aku. I know, I am not suppose to think like that but I cant help my self not to think.

aku tahu tu semua dah ketentuan Allah. tapi tu lah, its too sudden.

memang speechless tau. aku rasa depress yang amat sekarang. seriously. rasa nak demam pun ada. tah lah. its something that I cant write here. I have to meet someone that know two of us. and express what I feel right now. sedihnya. bestie korang dah takde. what else you can said. 

menyesal sebab gaduh pun dah tak guna. salah aku sebab takde effort nak berbaik balik. ego aku ni kadang-kadang melampau. dia ada juga la usaha message aku, tapi aku buat tak tahu. semua pun salah aku. all were in past. semenyesal mana pun aku sekarang dah tak boleh nak patah balik masa.

Insya-Allah, kalw aku ada kelapangan,  weekend ni nak pegi melawat family dia. kitorang punya baik sampai family kitorang pun tahu pasal frenship kitorang.

kawan-kawan yang baca blog ni, sama-samalah kita sedekahkan Al-Fatihah dekat Rozaimah Mohd Badawi. Semoga roh beliau di tempatkan di kalangan hamba-hambaNya yang beriman. 

Allah lagi sayangkan kau, Zai. kau baik sangat. aku yang tak tahu nak appreciate friendship kita dulu. thanks for everything. doa aku sentiasa untuk kau. kenangan kita walaupun setahun je, tapi banyak sangat. sampai bila-bila pun kau tetap bestfriend aku. sayang kau, babe!

Alfatihah

Thats what we call life.

Yeah. had been working for a month and half. I had learnt so many things. a good and bad too. today in the office we got some a tension mode where everyone was so silence. Its fortunate for me since I dont have much work. Both my boss and senior engineer were gone to meeting. so there were only a few peoples in the office. 3 seniors and 4 new ones.

everything were okay at first until we were preparing for tender document where one of my office mate had made some mistake. I guess its not a big deal, but one of the senior was so freaking out. she screamed to us( juniors) like we never done anything at the office. seriously, its not a big deal but I dont know why she became that mad.

I am the very new one there, so its only me to face her. since I dont want the situation become worse, so I hold myself from talking back to her just like I always do. yeah, silent is the best solution. I let her anger out. yeah, I felt like crying to be shouted for a mistake that I dont even do. feels so stupid. and I am still okay with her. i dont want, because of that things we may have a problems later I hold what I feel inside. I have to work there for 2 years atleast. so I have to cope with everyone habits and personality. I am trying to be profesional as much as I can.

enough with that.

because of that matter, 3 office-mate have expressed their dissatisfaction towards this one senior. all of them said a same things. its all about how this senior cant even tolerate with others. even the seniors cant even into her.shes not a boss, but why we have to obey everything she told us. i felt so offended when she said, its not that hard to design a structure. the building already done, so the engineer just have to design based on that. she was talking about that with me, she just dont understand why we, engineer need 2-3 month just to complete both infra and structure design. now I know why architect and engineer cant have a conversation about works, its all contra. seriously.

luckily she was gone to meeting this evening. all 4 new workers (including me) expressed our dissatisfaction. well, when younger generations talk, its full with cursing. especially 3 of them are men and I am the only girl there. for sure I acted like innocent. just listened to them and laugh. so hypocrite right. LOL I was not act like I usually do. So not me!

well, its only a month and half we already got this kind of problem. I dont know how would it be for the next 3 4 months. hope everything will go well.

 ( ofc, my office isnt this big and grand.lol)

wish me luck, people!

mengular.

Tadi pagi, Han dan aku pergi JPS dekat Nusajaya. Journey yang mengambil masa 20minit tu lagi lama dari meeting yang kitorang attend tu. meeting tak sampai 10minit. huh. pegi 9 lebih, pukul 10 lebih dah setel. dah keluar dari bangunan tempat meeting tu pun. di sebabkan both of us ni the very fresh civil engineer, kitorang pun berpakat nak mengular. lepak kat cafe, pung pang pung pang... mengumpat 16 bakul. peh, heaven gila. mengular punya lama. yang kalw aku buat satu design kat esteem dah siap satu floor. haha. memang lama gila lepak tengok orang-orang yang kerja kat situ yang mengular jugak la kerjanya.

tapi at least segala beban dalam kepala otak aku ni dah lepas la semua. memang terasa gila macam ada satu batu yang terangkat dari kepala aku. lega sangat. terus hilang rasa stress, boring nak kerja. kira balik office pukul 3 petang tadi, aku dah fresh lah. yelah, selama ni pendam je apa aku rasa. 2 bulan kowt, pendam. so tadi, Han kata cakap je. so, jadi la sesi luahan hati. aku tak risaw sangat since dia lelaki. so, kebarangkalian nak menyampai tu kurang. lagipun kitorang mengumpat orang yang sama. jangan tak tahu, orang lelaki punya level mengumpat lagi hebat.haha.

then, kitorang gerak pegi McD. makan McD dengan orang hensem woi. haha. aku admit dia handsome ni. haha. pung pang pung pang, mengumpat sesi kedua. tapi ni banyak lebih pasal kitorang la. family, sekolah. camtu la. banyak gila aku cakap. dah lama tak cakap banyak wei sejak sejak keja ni. asyik stress je. muka pun ketat. haish. satu tak banyak cakap memang sebab aku stress banyak benda tak tahu. sebab kedua pulak, gila apa baru sebulan keja nak banyak cakap kan. slow slow lah. nak mix around kena la tengok juga range orang camne kan. takkan nak main hentam je. since range kali ni educated and agak berusia, so lain la cara nak approach. kat office tu yang muda cuma 4 orang. aku , Han, Zam ngan Iz. boleh la lawak lawak moden ni. aku tak buat lawak pun. just tumpang gelak.

ok. sekarang ni aku tak tahu camne nak endingkan entry ni. macam diary je. haha. a few things that I do today---hah, camtu lah konon-kononnya kalaw dalam diary. so, kalw habes camni je, oklah kan? kalau tak ok pun. do I care? haha

picture is the best to describe thing!

i guess nothing should say or write here.

just let the picture talk.lol

the process in between to have my name there already passed. no need to tell lah kan. and of course to LeBai to give me a support. she knew what happened on that day. HAX

FRENEMY IS THE BEST!




and I know my English is messy

kesimpulan

... tengah meredah jam yang macam haram on the way balek keja tadi, boleh lah kiranya aku simpulkan sesuatu yang selalu berlegar-legar(ceh) dalam kepala otak aku selama ni

"kenapa lah semua lelaki chinese semuanya hensem-hensem. lenchai-lenchai je"

apa yang aku boleh pikir tadi siang,

" sebab mestilah aku tengok yang hensem dan lenchai-lenchai je. apa jadahnya aku nak usha yang tak hensem kan. sama lah theory ni boleh jugak guna kat malay. lagi-lagi bila kat jam. keindahan ciptaan Allah tu kita kena hargai. hahaha"

ok. entry takde motif.

lagi satu,

kenapa kalw chinese couple berpayung-payung tak nampak annoying and nampak sweet je? kalw malay punya couple, rasa nak hempuk je.

kenapa eh?

maruah

--kadang-kadang aku rasa malu jadi sebahagian kaum perempuan, just because some people dont put their dignity higher than they should be. Well, kau dah tahu lelaki tu dah ada dua orang anak, but kau tetap membiang. whats that for. dah la peluk-peluk openly. looks like sengaja nak bagi orang nampak. WTH. bencinya. sebab tak boleh cakap straight to her face, thats why I write here. pray hard so I am not gonna be like that later in my life. seriously--

Karenah.

Phew. dah masuk 5 hari aku keja kat ECharis tu. tolak sabtu ahad, tolak lagi rabu lepas, aku dah separuh mati akibat keracunan makanan. tak seronok langsung ulang alik pegi toilet 3 minit sekali. muntah segala gala yang aku makan. peh, sakit betul sampai memang membuta satu hari aku mc tu. for now, semua under control. belum tension tahap migrain lagi lah. in the future pun camtu jugak. mintak mintak, Allah terangkan hati aku supaya senang nak terima tunjuk ajar senior.kekeke.

habes dah tentang kerja aku.

kerja belum men'tension'kan aku, tapi masalah lain pulak.

kadang-kadang bila tengok keadaan sekeliling kita, aku jadi takut dengan masa depan. takut nak kahwen sebab berlambak-lambak kat paper ada husband jual wife dia. ada suami before kawen, hamboi bukan main romantik. bila dah kawen kaki pukul pulak. haish. takutkan? keadaan persekitaran ni memainkan peranan yang penting betul lebih-lebih lagi bila nak buat keputusan. tapi kadang-kadang bila terlalu banyak berfikir, semua pun tak boleh. semua pun tak kena pada pandangan kita. bagi jodoh ni, aku cuma berharap bakal suami aku tu seorang yang beriman, mampu membimbing aku dan anak-anak kami kejalan Islam dan lurus. rajin berkerja dan TIDAK panas baran. dalam erti kata lain, penyabar.

habis soal jodoh. soal lain pulak, aku tengok orang bila dah tua makin banyak karenahnya. semua tak kena. kalw boleh apa kehendak mesti di tunaikan dalam waktu terdekat. tak boleh tangguh-tangguh. ni dari apa yang terdapat kat sekitar aku lah. tu okay lagi lah, boleh di layankan lagi. tapi bila part melaga-lagakan anak sendiri tu memang tak boleh blah. kenapa lah, ada mak yang sanggup membuatkan anak-anak dia sendiri saling salah faham. bermasam muka. keadaan jadi lebih buruk lagi bila anak-anak tak balik jenguk dia. mengungkit pulak. ada juga mak yang sanggup menyumpah anak cucu dengan benda-benda yang tak elok. melaknat anak sendiri agar di timpa musibah. just sebab tak mampu nak tunaikan permintaan dia, mungkin ujian Allah ke atas anak-anaknya. tapi kenapa lah, sebagai seorang ibu boleh bersifat macam tu. kesian kat anak-anak dan cucu-cucu dia.

ada pulak, makcik yang baru je kematian suami. masa suami meninggal, pehhh dia punya shahdu sampai peluk kubur suami tak nak balik. tapi tak sampai 2 tahun, dah kawin lain. yelah, jodoh tu Allah yang tentukan. kalw cara elok takpe jugak. ni kena tangkap basah. dengan suami jiran sebelah pulak tu. masa nak kawen tu macam ribut. yelah, anak-anak dia sure lah tak sanggup tapi masa tu bukan main riak lagi cakap bukan susahkan anak-anak pun. masa mula-mula kawen, semua pun manis. belikan tu, belikan ni. masuk bulan kelima...dah pindah balik rumah anak-anak. lebih membengangkan bawak pulak suami tu kat rumah anak-anak. anak-anak pun jaga hati. taknak kecikkan hati mak, padahal dalam hati masing-masing nangis. sedih. mak yang buat hal. anak-anak yang jadik mangsa hinaan orang kampung.

bila aku tengok benda-benda ni jadi kat sekeliling aku, aku doa banyak-banyak yang aku tak nak jadi macam tu. kalw di takdirkan aku sakit. biar lah kejap je. tak nak susahkan anak-anak. yelah, sebulan dua mungkin tahan lagi. tapi kalw dah bertahun-tahun, anak-anak pun jadi tak ikhlas. masa dia dah habes jaga aku pulak. biarlah dorang happy dengan keluarga masing-masing. biarlah aku jadi nenek, ibu, yang boleh bertolak ansur, boleh pikir rasional. nenek dan ibu yang menggembirakan semua keturunan aku. pehhh, tak boleh blah seyh. hahaha

peh, serious betul aku kali ni. macam tak sangka pulak aku dah masuk 24 tahun. rasa baru semalam aku enjoy kat sekolah. main-main kat U. jadi stalker sana sini. dah masuk zaman wanita dah. tapi bila nak mature aku pun tak tahu. hihihi.

dah lah, nak tengok tv. pastu tido la apa lagi. Highway Pasir Gudang jam woih pagi pagi. kena bangun awal. hope kedai makan kat Johor Jaya masak sedap-sedap hari esok dan seterusnya.hihi. chow~

woohoo....!!!

first day wasnt that bad. everything went well. my co-workers are so friendly. its the matter how you cope with them. just make yourself comfortable, then everything will be okay. or might be, it just because i am not getting my specific project to be handled. too many things to learn.

for now I have to learn and catch up as fast as possible since one of my office-mate will resign on 13 January. So, i have to take over all her works and continue. it gonna be a difficult task i guess. :(

hopefully, my brain will not lembab sangat lah. autocad, esteem... pls be good to me :)

2012

yeah, I know this is kinda late and lame. but, still wanna wish to all of you;

happy new year.

lets pray harder so our wishes gonna come true! yeah. hopefully this 2012 make us much better than 2011. Ameen. wishh to meet all my dear friends especially Gegadis and Fighters 0105. lama tak jumpa, kalw jumpa ni mau gosip tak tido tido.

today is 1 January 2012. Homaigod! 2 January, and I am gonna start working. So damn nervous. how to cope and adapt with a new environment, new people and the most important my scope of works. where i have to give my 110% commitment since it is a REAL working life. not a task or assignment or group work. responsibilities are getting bigger and heavy. So,  have to prepare both mentally and physically.

well, lets see how my first day gonna be. hope its great! pray for me everyone!